When I grew up I heard that I was a pretty girl all the time, when I got older boys would tell me I was pretty or hot. I learned to get my confidence and self worth from being a "pretty girl." I remember in middle school a boy told me I was nothing more than a pretty face and a nice body. That statement stayed with me and I believed that lie. Eventually I grew up, got married, and got pregnant. My body changed and I put on a lot of weight. No one came up to me to tell me I was pretty anymore. I lost all my self esteem and felt like I wasn't worthy of my husband. I held back from making friends. If I didn't have good looks to bring to the table what could I offer anyone?
It's been a long process, but God has shown me that I am so much more than I let myself believe. If all my beauty was taken away I still had a lot to bring to my relationships. I have self worth that has nothing to do with the way I look now.
Now I am raising 3 girls that are growing up in a world with unrealistic body expectations every where. A world that says what you look like is all that matters. A world that constantly shames woman for being too fat, too skinny, too weak, too strong, too tan, too pale, too young, too old, ect.
I know that my girls will follow my footsteps not my words so I need to walk the talk if I want them to. If I am constantly criticizing my body, they will do the same. I try my hardest to look at my body the way I want them to look at their own bodies. Not that I don't still have weak days where I pick at myself and think of all the things I'd like to change, but I always remind myself of how I'd want my girls to think and feel.
Here is what I am doing or working towards.
1. I show my daughter's my body in all of its unedited and imperfect glory. They see me naked and I think that's important, because I want them to know what a real woman's body looks like. They are flooded with images of photo shopped women with unrealistic bodies. I have given life to 4 human beings! I have battle scars to prove it. Stretch marks and cellulite. I have fat and my boobs aren't what they were at 18. I show them it all. I'm not doing naked Tuesday's or anything, but I'll let them see me get out of the shower and I won't try to hide if they walk in on me changing. One day they will most likely get pregnant and have a baby. I never want them to feel like there is something wrong with their bodies and their own battle scars!
2. I try to eat healthy and I try to live an active life. I talk to them about what foods are healthy and what foods aren't. I never tell them I'm on a diet. I will say "I'm working on eating healthier or I'm watching my portion control." I talk to them about having everything in moderation. Sugar isn't good for our bodies, but having a cookie every now and then is okay! We talk about how important it is to workout and be active. I'm careful to never say I'm working to be "skinny" but instead that I want to be strong and healthy! I've talked to them about how it isn't healthy to eat too much food and have too much fat on your body. Also we talk about how it isn't healthy to not eat enough of the right foods and that being too skinny isn't healthy either. We talk about how God made us these amazing bodies and how we need to treat them right.
3. I got on the scale the other day and it was not what I wanted to see. I'd put on some weight recently. In the moment I wanted to shame myself for gaining the weight and when I looked in the mirror I wanted to rip myself apart for all the things I didn't like. But I stopped myself and thought about what I would think if one of my daughter's had over indulged and gained some weight as an adult. How I would treat my sister or friend if they had gone through a tough time and had some extra fat to show for it. I would NEVER shame them and I would NEVER look down on them for being human and maybe over enjoying the sweets for a while. Why don't we give ourselves the Grace we would give anyone else? Women gain weight sometimes. They can get stretch marks, cellulite, pimples, wrinkles, moles, their boobs can sag, and all other kinds of things we can look down on. Those things are normal and nothing to be ashamed of. I refuse to feel bad for my stretch marks. I gave life to 4 HUMAN BEINGS!!! I am getting wrinkles, because I have been gaining wisdom. I have moles, but my daughter tells me they are beauty marks. My legs have cellulite, but they are strong.
4. The other day my 5 year old daughter told me "mom you're really fat!" Her two big sister's gave her a very long lecture on not being mean and never telling anyone they are fat. After that I reiterated the importance of never making anyone feel bad about the way that they look. Then I told them the truth. I HAD put some extra fat on my body recently. I'd been sad and had been eating too much junk food. I told them how I planned to be better about eating less junk food and eating more healthy options. That I would continue to be active and work out when I was able. That sometimes people gain weight, but as long as we continue to try to live a healthy life style that it wasn't a big deal. I pray that when they are adults and put on some weight that they remember my own struggles and don't let the negative thoughts get to them. That they are humans and they will have ups and downs. I never want them to strive for a perfection that simply does not exist!
5. I avoid telling them too often that they are pretty, beautiful, or cute. These are easy compliments to give, but I want them to know God did such an amazing job when he created them! He gave them so many great qualities! My oldest Tegan has the biggest heart and has an amazing ability to empathize with those around her. She is kind to everyone. She is super smart with the best memory. She's cautious and that keeps her out of trouble. She's thoughtful and always thinking of others. She's always helping me with her siblings and will make the most amazing mother one day. Jayden is one of the funniest people I know. She has been making her family laugh since she was born. She's a bit of a drama queen, but it makes her a natural on stage where she just sparkles! She's super creative with the biggest imagination. She is fearless and always on some kind of an adventure. She is loyal and would never betray a friend. Rylee is my spitfire. She is very determined and nothing can stand in her way. She knows what she wants and she will figure out how to get it. She is brave and nothing seems to scare her. She is independent and likes to figure life out mostly on her own. She can be very sassy, but she can also be one of the sweetest people. She has this amazing ability to brighten peoples day. She is the first to give people compliments telling them they are beautiful or she likes their hair or clothes.
God made them each so amazing and what a shame it would be if they ever lost sight of how much more they are than just pretty girls. I still tell them they are beautiful, because they are. I just try my hardest to tell them about all the other stuff they are too!
I know its cliche, but being beautiful on the inside is more important than being beautiful on the outside. I hope this helped someone and I really hope my wonderful girls can grow up knowing their self worth and not losing it over superficial things.
God made them each so amazing and what a shame it would be if they ever lost sight of how much more they are than just pretty girls. I still tell them they are beautiful, because they are. I just try my hardest to tell them about all the other stuff they are too!
I know its cliche, but being beautiful on the inside is more important than being beautiful on the outside. I hope this helped someone and I really hope my wonderful girls can grow up knowing their self worth and not losing it over superficial things.
"Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."
Psalms 31:30
